sunday january 7 2001    |    11:16 p.m.

this is where it gets hard. really hard. trying to let the parents see what i see in this very unlikely situation. why it's worth it. why it's more than worth it.

i'm going to stay with erick over spring break. julie's coming with me, we decided this afternoon on the phone, but that still isn't quite good enough for my mom. and i haven't told my dad. i am dreading that conversation. i know i'll be fine and everything will be fine, but my father will just see the raw facts, in all their unimpressive non-glory. he's significantly older. it's been less than two weeks. i'm throwing all caution to the winds. and so forth. it's going to be horrible.

what a shitty, shitty day. well, the morning was fine. i woke up to a phone call from erick, and as a result was in a pretty fucking great mood for a while. (warning: potty mouth ahead. but you knew that already.) until my mother and i had another little talk about him. i was so drained and upset afterwards that i just put myself to bed again and slept away the afternoon.

talked to julie when i woke up, and that was wonderful as always. i have no idea what we'd do without each other. made lots of plans, a couple hard resolutions, felt slightly more prepared to face kenyon again. slightly. at least we'll be far from home. which is becoming necessary again.

so. several hurdles and two more months to go.

and i fly to new york on tuesday for the interview at the Publishing Company the next day. wish me luck and warm weather!

i was going to write about pop music and music in general and some of my little philosophies thereon, but you know, that was earlier when i was optimistic and listening to adam ant. now i just want to go to sleep again.

don't let me bring you down. this is all just frustrated mind junk spilling over for lack of a better means of disposal. i'm sorry the quality of these entries hasn't been all that great lately, but i've been... you know... preoccupied. ah well.