back here again. hard old snow over patches of dead grass, spindly jutting branches against an opaque gray sky. i'm listening to the smiths, because on a day like this no one comforts me quite like morrissey. the rain falls hard on a humdrum town. this town, it will drag me down.
it doesn't seem real. this morning i expected to wake up to the smell of coffee brewing in my house, my parents turning the tv on low to watch the news. but i woke up in an empty room. and showered and went to the cafeteria with julie. and almost didn't make it through the whole experience. and i'm wondering how i'm going to make it through the next four months. i am going to be writing many long self-pitying e-mails to you, my dear, i'm afraid.
yes i'm going insane and i'm laughing at the frozen rain well i'm so alone honey, when they gonna send me home bad sneakers and a piņa colada, my friend stopping on the avenue by radio city with a transistor and a large sum of money to spend . . .
there's your steely dan quote. and oh, new york city. i'd been there once before, years ago with my parents, one stop on a car trip up the east coast. i fell in love with it then and i fell all over again this past week. the psychic connection between traffic and pedestrians, totally disconnected from any awareness of street signs and traffic lights. delis around every corner, people smoking in storefronts, the exuberance of madison avenue, tall skinny hipsters shopping at the h&m, tall skinny hipsters dressed in black everywhere, identical hot dog stands on every streetcorner, walking from coffee shop to coffee shop to warm up, little dogs in little coats, the smell and the noise and dark shiny towers everywhere. and anyone i spoke to so nice. now i understand what she means. and she. and she.
the interview went tolerably well. it was early wednesday morning in the hotel, very strange to see people from school waiting around in the lobby with wet hair and crumpled suits. the lady who received me was no bigger than a sigh, young, hiding behind limp blond hair and thick glasses, she was visibly sick and the interview session was probably the last place she wanted to be. i was nervous and felt unprepared, and the beginning of the conversation seemed shaky. but we got to talking about books and possibilities and i think i did better. if i pass this interview, five more await over spring break. oy. the thank-you letter's in the mail, so now all i have to do is wait and see what happens.
my mom and i walked and walked and walked, all of tuesday and all of wednesday, post-interview and pre-airport in the evening. we walked up and down madison, park, 5th. to the top of the empire state building for a sobering look at the city (floor 86 not very compatible with vertigo, fyi). to delis and restaurants for soup and coffee. to central park, home of the fattest, happiest, boldest pigeons and squirrels i've ever seen in my life. i got erick a little "i heart nyc" piggybank for kitsch value and so he can start saving pennies for spring break. (he will come to miami; i've postponed the trip out west. long story.)
julie just called. we're going to mount vernon to buy last-minute supplies and things, to escape the drear a bit. more later.
