thursday february 8 2001    |    1:45 a.m.

empezamos mal
y yo que creía
que esto era un buen plan

second entry of the day. it looks like i finally did end up getting sick. was hoping i could avoid whatever's been going around here. but i guess the late hours and various bad habits have caught up with me.

sometimes i wonder where my life is heading, and why. is it meant to be the way it happens, or am i just letting myself slide through? what do i really want, anyway? it's always at night when i think about this, when there's nothing to do. nothing to be done.

i don't know about this year. lots of headaches. lots of listening to my favorite songs over and over, most of which have become moody and slow. maybe this is a rut of some kind. maybe it's an end. i don't know: i don't know.

i think i have too much time on my hands.

in or around my stereo. john frusciante. mecano. ketama. pinback. a great mixtape. thingy. yo la tengo. the beatles. and always steely dan.

re-reading: f. g. lorca. the unbearable lightness of being, milan kundera.

thinking about: what rilke wrote. the ending of a long friendship. life after college. 1994. spain. guilt. ice-cream. money. nothing.