2001-02-17    |    09:39:24

this epiphanette brought to me courtesy of lou barlow, of jah or the pot fairy, and a serious degree of dissatisfaction:

i know exactly what i want. i know exactly what i need to do. i just wrote to ben about part of it. it's just a matter of making it happen.

the indecision, the inertia, whatever is holding me back stops right here. i just need to get through three more months and then this is all relegated to the rearview mirror of life. and then finally, finally, all these plans made through all these years...

all you can do in this life, whatever it's worth, is be true to yourself. i'm addressing myself here. it's a fast ride to the degree from here on, and then it's all over for good. and then a beginning.

i don't quite get it / but i know you've got it / i don't care if nothing else goes my way / all day

references: bakesale. unwound. the paper journal. low-fi. the memory box. all the years spent knowing what i want. my uncle's high school notebooks. my parents. miguel de cervantes. blue note records. the first piece of vinyl. the tenth. the fiftieth. the first pen. the thousandth, the millionth. the skyline the traintracks the country. the letters. the internet. def leppard. the guy at the art museum. and this, among other things.