tuesday february 20 2001    |    2:16 p.m.

music sounds completely different when you're massively sleep-deprived. i'm listening to the dismemberment plan and i swear i'm picking up frequencies i've never had access to before. at least not consciously.

massively sleep deprived because i was up entirely too late studying for the art history exam. and then i couldn't sleep. it must have been daylight when my body finally gave out, so i'm working with a couple of hours of sleep, max. it paid off though -- the test was aced and i'm slightly more at ease. although the poetry class was once again skipped. it was either that or not turning in my chinese film paper. and i have my priorities straight, believe it or not. so now what needed to get done is done, and i can not-worry for a few more hours still.

speaking of crazy frequencies, and i hope this isn't too much information. yesterday when i was basking with daniel, adam and laura stopped by to talk, and naturally it was about music. somehow adam started telling us about some band (pansonic? i don't remember), and how they'd been experimenting with some insane frequency used by riot police which makes you lose all bowel control when exposed to it. what i want to know is, who's gonna actually go out and buy that album? is there some thrill i'm missing there somewhere? maybe that's just not my scene? regardless, i thought it was interesting. i guess there really are no limits.

i would just like to say that the google searches have been turning up some noteworthy stuff. this was someone no doubt searching for kenyon info; this i honestly have no explanation for, but it made me laugh; and being one of many links to this made me darn happy.

i am very much looking forward to the upcoming bourbon party chez monsieur indieroque in a couple of weeks. in fact, if all goes as planned, the party will land on my birthday. couldn't have asked for a better present, even if it was unwittingly given.

i'm having corporate nightmare dreams. i don't know if i should take it as a sign or as merely cold feet. i'm trying not to worry, i really shouldn't at this point, but i can't help it. will job & financial security force me to stay in suits for the rest of my life? isn't this where i pick up my guitar and my friend ben and we go drive around the country in a van playing in shitty little dives? if not now, when? i don't know if this is step one towards sealing my fate in a bad way, or if i'm actually doing The Right Thing. i just don't know.

aside from the corporate nightmare dreams, i just can't sleep. because this one class is driving me crazy. because comps aren't where they should be at all, because i'm not enjoying them like i should be. because spring break means going back to live with my parents for two weeks -- and although i love them and i need the time off, it's going to be really hectic. because in a couple of months this will all be over. all of this and the weather and more and less and who knows.

the smile on my face isn't always real
but the way you
make me feel. . .

chris and i are collecting, it seems, stony links. this one came in the form of an allstudent e-mail, and this one, i think chris just pulled out of his figurative behind. oh, they're better than you think, and you don't even need to be stony to appreciate them.

which reminds me of the first time i hung out with him in her company. i think it was the first time. either way, he was the stony boy that night and he was watching some clip on his computer of this kid dancing around his room in front of his webcam. on loop. we smoked cigarettes and chatted and i think mikey might even have stopped by. [flashback] remember?

denise's parents are all excited about erick (the prodigal son) coming home for spring break. before december, i think it had been two years. so it turns out that under the guise of going to disneyworld (oh corporate mouse) they are planning a trip to the holy land. which is a theme park in orlando, mind you. and it apparently recreates the life and times of jesus christ. ohhh boy. her parents are catholic to the utmost, yes, but this might be going a little too far. the thing is, i think they're making it an "extended family" trip, which means that i'm totally expected to go, but god (couldn't have put it better) knows that's not going to happen. i mean, come on, a theme park about jesus? and no, they don't have any rides, which is disappointing to say the least. if you're going to go to those lengths, might as well go all the way and give the kids some rides, no? guess not.

last week i discovered him. he has mixtape savoir-faire.

so my room is clean and dark and smoky. . . nap time.