friday march 2 2001    |    2:19 p.m.

          they're running on their worst defense
          defenses
          no light
          guides you
          leads you on
          blinds you

it took me two days and many hours staring blankly at computer screens across campus to write the louise glück paper. tacked it to saskia's door (in here) a couple of hours ago with a note: "will get act together." she must think i'm insane, and with good reason. anyway, one good thing to come out of the paper-induced stress: now i've committed to memory the keys to press for the ü in Glück. i like umlauts. hell, bring on the diacritic marks. -- in case you're wondering, that's ALT and 0252.

i was teasing dave s_ recently about being halfway to 48, and now i am officially halfway to 44. yesterday was my birthday. it kind of crept up on me this year, and in the aftermath it doesn't really feel like much. i mean it isn't, really, but i figure at the very least there should be some sort of recognition implicit in the whole aging process.

for half the day i attempted to write the glück paper unsuccessfully. at night, went down to the environmental center, where kaliis was cooking fantastic vegan indian food for a few of her friends. got silly after a couple of beers and glasses of $4 champagne, ate much curry and chickpeas and rice, hung out with people i love, got lots of hugs. and i got a free ride to my own party, which was nice.

james and roddy picked me up and brought me to john & rod's apartment, which was hosting the little soirée. more people i love showed up and hung out. i got an awesome mixtape, and gummi bears from elizabeth, and cookies from sara, and lots of cheap beer. robert talked to me about music. we played lots of silly drinking games. i managed to dissuade the boys from beerpong. fritz came and played asshole with us and smoked the smokers in the group up. nick and i had a drunken heart to heart, whose content i seem to have completely forgotten. i had a wonderful time.

sometime before two in the morning, fritz and i somehow walked home arm in arm, pausing in front of the dorm just long enough to get a little misty-eyed about being here and leaving &c. . . . we went up to fritz's room and hung out for a good hour and a half or two, smoked the last bowl, ordered a pizza which was delivered by luke who totally knew. hilarious. fritz and i were all sorts of messed up and drinking cup after cup of water or tea, and talking, and being very silly, and listening to her groove armada album. it was very very cool. the best birthday present. and there was an element of urgency and time slipping, since she had to get up at 8 this morning to pack and then she was leaving to the airport and then -- our last spring break, ever.

maybe that's why i kept waking up. i woke up at 6:30 first, still very much not sober, drank a glass of water and went back to sleep. woke up again at 7:30, decided trying to sleep would be useless, and so got up for the day. had breakfast bricks with fritz -- for some reason, strips of bacon and sprite work wonders for hangovers; maybe the comfort food factor? but how do you explain sprite? -- which was fun, as we were both still not quite ourselves, if you will. then the girl went to pack and i sequestered myself in the ascension computer lab. and the rest is fairly negligible.

had late lunch with joel, and then we snuck down to the basement of peirce, by the pub, to smoke a cigarette indoors. we got some dirty looks and felt clandestine and talked about professor kluge mostly.

today is my mom's birthday. i was some present, all those years ago, huh?

tomorrow morning i fly home. (more.) i am more than ready. i'm impatient to see my lovely city. i can't find any pictures that do it justice on the web. you'll just have to come visit.