thursday-friday night, march 28-29 2001    |    1:09 am

slightly drunken entry.

kevin broke his birthday beer.

i'm listening to "beyond the sea" and feeling sorry for myself. and what.

embarrassingly lonely.

must get out of here but to paraphrase gina arnold, you can't escape from anywhere until there's someplace good to go. that might be a direct quote.

my backpack and cds are all in the radio station. the show tonight was uninspired.

there is nowhere good to go.

weekedn plans: sleep. mope. repeat. maybe read some divine comedy and art history because THERE ARE TESTS NEXT WEEK. fuck.

this place really sucks sometimes.

i called erick just now and he was going to bed. it's ten o'clock in california. he is not supposed to go to bed. he is supposed to talk to me. but no. he said he would call me back tomorrow. i have no right to complain, is the problem, do i.

fuck grammar.

oh and that thing i said about not being confessional? yeah right. who am i kidding. i have an online diary for jesuschristsake.

profanity helps.

and what you wrote. you said i always keep things in perspective. if only. i keep reminding myself. but it doesn't work so well. it just doesn't.

how am i going to get through the next 6 weeks. how? this is only 5% rhetorical. this is what i keep asking myself. oh my god and so much more. i just have no idea. about anything.

alcohol does not agree with me. this is why i don't drink. except i do.

my illusions about escape are dissipating. because there is nowhere good to go.

i am so tired of everything.

still, you think, you're alive, enough to take the hand, that wants, that promises to take you to where damage is a word, like yes, so yes you say i'll come, you tell him show me.