wednesday april 4 2001    |    10:49 a.m.

ghost thoughts of the ex are back to haunt. i woke up suddenly at eight and haven't been able to go back to sleep. i keep thinking of nights that winter when he would drive down from columbus to stay with me. he had an ancient mustard-colored station wagon and the heat didn't work, so he would show up in my room half-frozen at all hours of the night. we would sit on my bed with our arms around each other, and move slowly, and i would kiss him until he was warm.

love scares the living daylights out of me. luckily it doesn't happen very often, because i don't have the energy. it's exhausting just to think back on everything. . . and so instead of thinking too much i'm writing in here and listening to the olivia tremor control and having a smoke before i make myself get started on today.

spring doesn't seem to be lifting my spirits all that much. not really at all. we're supposed to hit 75 degrees on friday, so maybe that will help.

move on, damnit, move on.

so the figgs are playing at bernie's in columbus tomorrow. can you take me?