tuesday may 1 2001    |    8:45 p.m.

i could sit here like this for the next three weeks: listening to pinback. opening my mouth only to sing or smoke. quiet outside in the humid post-rain, loud in my room.

but of course i'm ok. just dealing with things in my own way, which has a lot to do with opposites.

and the lists are little more than records of nagging -- the small thoughts that wouldn't go away and started making patterns until i wrote them down. thrown out into cyberspace (yawn) to exist on their own terms. something silly like that. incidentally, yesterday i came up with another item for the aforementioned: he will make transience his home. in other words, he will not be content in any one place, physical or not. something like che guevara's mother said to che once, that he was not meant to have a home, -- wait, why don't i look it up before it really starts to bother me.

"Yes, you'll always be a foreigner . . . that seems to be your permanent fate."

from patrick symmes' chasing che. and then che, in his travel notes: Maybe one day when I'm tired of wandering, I'll come back to Argentina and settle in the Andean lakes, if not indefinitely then at least in transit to another conception of the world."