wednesday may 16 2001    |    7:16 a.m.

i can't sleep. i suppose i should blame it on the double espresso i had hours earlier at the red door, when shelley and i happened to pass by and find out they were giving out free drinks.

she is here!

becky's right: there is no time for sleep. ready to move on but holding onto these last days because they are the last. have to say goodbye to everything. and everyone.

yesterday was her birthday, and so at night we hung out at her place. in between barbecue dinners and bluegrass bands and midnight breakfasts. it was good, great to be able to hang out with people i wanted to see before we all leave, some of whom i probably won't get a chance to hang out with again, at least not for a very long time. i don't think anyone was really consciously thinking about endings, either, and that was better still.

but now i'm wide awake and it's wednesday morning for goodness' sake. i won't even admit that i'm making mixtapes at the moment (even though i just did), in case i never finish them or don't send them for months. but don't think i've forgotten. this is the going-away gift, i wouldn't forget.

so one full day of hedonism awaits, if you don't count the room-packing i have yet to do, before the mother and uncles arrive on thursday. then senior week turns into parent h(e)aven. and kenyon finally stops being ours.

i wonder what it will feel like to first step inside my house after becoming, officially, a college graduate. never to go back. probably about equal parts exhilerating and lonely as hell.

it's all about rockin' the van
not rock to roll
but sway to sway

[g.love]