sunday april 22 2001 | 2:09 p.m.
it's such a long, long story
it's only a story
but look at me when i'm talkin atcha baby
[ justin gracer ]
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sunday and hung over. gray and muggy out. my stereo is pounding in time with my head, half-comforting, half-jolting.
this place is so beautiful and charged, but i can't wait to run away from it, far away. even if there's still nowhere good to go. maybe anywhere is better.
thursday night i think i did the best radio show i've done in my four years at the radio station (which, by the way, you can listen to on the internet if you're on campus). luckily i had the foresight to tape it. i've only taped three shows during all this time: my first show ever, my second show (which didn't record at all), and this one. and hopefully next week's, insh'allah, which i think will be my last show ever. sobering thought. i'll miss it, preaching the good word of indie &c., you know.
two weeks of school left, one of finals, then senior week and graduation. something like that. in which time i will find out where i'll be living next year, will pack up my room, will see so many people for the last time in a long time or ever, will drink too much, will run out of money, will write papers and take finals, will cry at the drop of a hat, will finish reading the divine comedy, will finally have to disengage myself from here.
i remember when you were about to graduate two years ago, and would go on walks around campus at night with your friends, and it seemed to me like a quiet satisfied complete way of leaving, with everybody together and conscious that these were the last few days. for me it's been wholly different so far. i have nobody to take walks with. you know?
so the best surprise of the month, BY FAR: my uncle javier and his partner tony are flying out from barcelona to my graduation, and then flying back with mom and i to miami, where they will stay for a week. i love javi and tony and i haven't seen them in . . . since the last time i was in barcelona, which was . . . three years ago? something ridiculous like that. they tried to convince my grandmother to come, but she's old and she was too scared to make such a long and involved trip. but i think with javi's trip maybe two different parts of me will come closer to an understanding of each other. and also i get to see him, and mom gets to see her brother, and there has been talk of a trip to the keys or tampa.
it won't be so bad, going back, if i do. ed will rescue me from the parental home, and there will be a lot of work to do. but i have to stop talking to him when i've had way too much to drink.
some girl called me at the station when i was playing justin gracer asking who he was and where she could get a copy of the album. (there is no album yet, only a promo cd, but you can get it through the man himself. i'm excited to meet him. kind of a fucked-up kid from what ed tells me, but wow, i'm telling you, he's going to be huge. for all of y'all discriminating audiencemembers.)
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3:35 p.m.
fritz just made some coffee in her room and we shared the pot (of coffee, that is) and chatted for a while. as a result i feel much much better. now i only wish neither of us had insane amounts of work to do so we could take a long walk down to the kokosing river. i still have not had a chance to frolic this spring. better get to work before i miss it altogether, down the road . . .
