saturday october 6 2001    |    4:06 a.m.

yeah, i know it's late. i can't sleep. shouldn't've had that coffee after all.

got back home a little while ago. papo and i went to lincoln road for coffee and strolling and fashion-gawking. he's in fasion design school, so you can imagine -- it was a very girly night. boutique after boutique after boutique. lots of beautiful unattainable things. i've decided that i need either a kickass job or a sugar daddy, or maybe i just need to abstain from window-shopping in south beach.

after a few hours i was all fashioned out, but luckily was able to drag papo over to washington av. and uncle sam's, where we checked out beautiful unattainable (i'm on a budget like you wouldn't believe) music: skim-listened to the new ryan adams, sparklehorse, and mercury rev. swoon. saw the hey mercedes and anniversary show posters (coming right up), found out dashboard confessional is playing in december. woot woot. then our feet started to hurt. so we drove to walgreen's and bought water and tried on silly halloween costume things in the silly halloween aisle, until this old security guard guy came and smiled at us, we thought, suspiciously. turns out he just wanted to show us that singing billy bass fish thing. weird, random, yet cute. & went home.

i think the job interview went well. i should find out sometime next week. had a really laid-back chat with the h.r. girl, condensed some news reports into news briefs in the slightly sensationalistic flava of the station. i tried to, anyway.

it would be a part time job, no benefits, shitty pay, and godawful hours: weekdays 2 am to 8 am. whew. but it seems like a really chill place to work -- everyone was super nice, atmosphere extremely relaxed, no dress code. i'm trying not to get my hopes up, but i really, really want this job. and! the station is about three blocks away from my house. after the interview i walked home in my little suit, holding a folder with my résumé, purse slung over my shoulder; bought a pack of cigs at the mini-mart across the street; felt like such the executive. heh. i love it.

sigh.

fast-forward to now. came home, sank into my bed, eyes popped wide open. great. i closed them and my brain went into overdrive. started thinking about jason, about the beginning, which is odd, since the few times i allow myself to dwell on that i dwell on how badly it ended. but no. replayed the first couple of days when we met and got all crazy about each other and i was wondering, how the hell does that happen? so right away and so wow, and why hasn't it happened before or since? the whole partners-in-crime, seriously-greatest-thing-since-sliced-bread thing, the whole cliché, all of it. and i started to get sad. and decided to go whine to the old diaryland instead.

bleh. i'm sick and tired of dwelling. sick and tired. way too much time on my hands. i cannot wait to get a job and turn on workaholic mode. something far more interesting & worthwhile to dwell on.

hey, mister guestmap is feelin' the love. don't stop.