tuesday august 27 2002    |    8:36 p.m.

when my friend johnny from work told me he'd heard kicking a smoking habit is harder than getting off heroin, i laughed at him. then i savored the last three cigarettes in my pack, recorded the last few drags as well as the song i was listening to in my notebook, and quit smoking.

that was 2:30 pm on friday, august 23. right now i am chewing some skanky-ass aquafresh "dental" (as opposed to. . . ?) gum and trying to take my mind off the idea of jumping out the window of my first-story apartment and running to the nearest kwik-e-mart to buy myself a pack of broncos to smoke in one blissful sitting.

sigh. most of the time i'm fine cigarette-less, but from time to time i freak out, so i chew gum and try to run around or do something distracting. updating here is tonight's version of running around.

lots of things have been going on in the past couple of weeks. somewhere along the line i met a boy and got sick of treating myself like crap. so here's the stuff i've been doing. i don't really believe it, either. somewhere out there, my image of james dean is cringing and lighting up a doobie.

1. quit smoking

2. took a break from pot

3. joined the gym

4. started swimming laps

5. went to the beach for the first time in a year or two (!)

6. had scheduling manager cut my hours at work so i can be home and look for a real, decent job

and yeah. that's all i really have to say for now. it's an experiment, an exercise in will, and a break for my lungs, which are learning to love climbing stairs and dancing for five hours straight again.

if you're in the south florida area, come to churchill's tomorrow. some friends of mine are putting together a party: lots of local music, cheap pints, five bucks' cover, double-decker bus in the parking lot. it'll be fun, and i won't smoke, as long as you exhale in my general direction.