monday june 4 2001    |    8:22 p.m.

add an entry. add an entry. pshh. as if it were that easy, when you have nothing to enter.

patrick is back from louisiana. he's been sleeping all day, and now he's up and ready to go. so tentatively -- and i'll have to see it to believe it -- we're leaving at nine (not midnight, not one, not two, mind) and going to denise's. probably to play cards and smoke, and just remind ourselves of who we are.

[mark told me last night what mark david chapman said to john lennon before he pulled the trigger: "do you know who you are?" jesus that's creepy. we'd been talking about julian lennon and responsibility and texas is the reason album titles. i wonder what i would think -- if i would be able to come up with an answer for myself in that last instant -- with a barrel in my face and that question thrust at me. i wonder.]

i almost don't remember what it's like to go out. i've been in something like a state of hibernation, save for the occasional trip to the movies (by the way, go see moulin rouge, it's great) and walk to the mini-mart for cigarettes and phonecards and sometimes the newspaper for dad. waiting for the night. mood-swinging. awestruck. tired.

i think seeing my friends will be good. i need to clear my head a bit.