friday september 14 2001 | 2:50 a.m.
john's dad was inside the tower when the first plane crashed into the world trade center. he was almost knocked to the ground by the impact. he was on one of the lower floors, and he was able to run outside and save himself. john and his family spent a horrible morning not knowing.
yesterday, my head pounding with news, i went out to the bar with tatiana and patrick. i spent hour after hour talking to a guy about the pounding. we both shut everything out and just talked. that's the only thing that helps. and i found myself being able to talk only to a stranger. because people -- myself included -- want to just move on already, keep saying life goes on, life goes on.
life does not go on. LIFE DOES NOT GO ON. not like this. washington is saying this isn't the end of the terrorists ---- there is a feeling like the country is lying in wait, and i just hope to god that the government isn't doing the same thing, waiting for the next strike so days later they can identify the dead terrorists as we improvise makeshift morgues for thousands more bodies, i hope they know more than they're letting on. i think they do. a reporter got in colin powell's face today and asked him if he could confirm that bin laden was behind the attacks, and powell looked icily over his shoulder and said "yes."
i just got this e-mail from a friend about these local shows going on this weekend. i don't understand how these bands can get up on a stage, how people can go and watch them and shut off. how high school football games can be played. how malls can be shopped at. shopping! we could all be dead tomorrow and i guarantee you that people in this country are still going shopping.
maybe i'm being an asshole. we all have our different ways of coping. although i don't think avoidance is a permissible one.
right now i wish people were gathered in bars in their neighborhoods, drinking and talking. at each other's homes, watching the news, talking. in church. whatever it is. talking and together.
as for me, i find myself typing into my computer. wondering where everyone is. going out of my mind with inaction. unable to listen to music, read, sleep, divert my attention. waiting.
